Relationships Are Hard – Trust Him To Get You Through

This is the first post in our series called “Trust Him”, a part of the “Promises for Marriage” collection. In this series, we focus on unpacking Proverbs 3:5-7 and what it means for our relationships.

How often do we let the storms of life cloud our judgment and take the wrong road? Whether it is the latest and greatest gadget we have to have, a vacation spot that seems perfect, the new towels you want for the bathroom, or even whether you should “go out with the guys”, everyone has preferences. Preferences and desires so often dictate what our heart strives after and are what we dwell on for large portions of our day. Instead, God gives us some pretty clear instruction in how we are to relate to him, our spouse, and even ourselves.

The Human Heart

Culture teaches you to “follow your heart” and to “do what feels right” no matter what because how can our hearts ever possibly lie to us (said every Disney movie ever…and yes, I LOVE Disney). It teaches you from an earlier and earlier age that whatever you feel is what you should do. Except, what too often happens is we get hurt, burnt, and disappointed in the process.

In fact, St. Augustine of Hippo said all the way back in 398 AD:

What else does this craving, and this helplessness, proclaim but that there was once in man a true happiness, of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace? This he tries in vain to fill with everything around him, seeking in things that are not there the help he cannot find in those that are, though none can help, since this infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and immutable object; in other words by God himself.

This “God-Shaped” hole is what those famous (and infamous) Disney flicks so often tell us to fill with either love, family, or self. However in the real world we try to fill that hole with all kinds of nasty things. Some try filling it with love, ever searching for the “perfect person” and maybe then they’ll be happy. Some try filling it with sex, where the physical emotions expressed time and time again in different ways is all that matters. Some try to fill it with family and cling ever more tightly to those close family ties because if those bonds were ever broken, well then so would their happiness. Still, some try to fill the hole with all manner of other things: alcohol, drugs, fashion, coffee, collections, sports, business, fine-art, music, movies, you name it. This will ALWAYS leave you feeling halfway there in your life whether you admit it or not.

While the human heart is the source of great love, compassion, empathy, and forgiveness, it is also fickle, ever-changing, and not trustworthy. What you want today, you may not want tomorrow. Is that really something we should put our stock in when we consider how to live our lives?

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart…”

Instead, God tells us to trust in Him with all of our heart and do not depend on our own understanding. Remember the hole that we are always trying to fill? God is calling after you to fill it with His Word, His Love, and His Plan. It is such a specific shape that he alone is the only thing that can make us feel complete. It is when we are filled with Him that we can fully love our spouse and trust God’s plan for your relationship together.

We may want something different than our spouse. Our goals in life may be different than our spouse. You may want to live in the Florida Sun and your spouse may want to live in the Ski-Slopes of North Dakota and that’s OKAY! But, what we want today in so many areas of life we allow our hearts to cause strain in our marriages. Teamwork is necessary in marriage and we must defer to our spouse (no I’m not saying surrender) and see how we can work together to accomplish our goals when they align with God’s Word.

Our preferences do not dictate our happiness and we cannot let the difference of opinions steal our joy. Instead, you must lean on what God wants for you and your spouse’s life. What that takes is humility, and accepting that God’s ways are higher than our ways. He knows that our hearts are fickle from sin. He offers us the chance to reach out and learn from Him and grow in Christ every day by trusting in The Gospel.

Walk today with humility alongside your spouse. The next time you feel yourself getting defensive, offended, or even protective over something stop for a moment and pause to think. Think about what this has to do ultimately with your spouse and what is more important. Is getting my way more important than using my relationship to change the lives of those around me? If the answer is no, have an honest conversation with your spouse about how you feel and what you’d like to see happen.

Together, when we are more open and honest with each other about how we feel and what we want, we can communicate more freely. If we give each other time to explain what we want and why we want it you may find you are on a closer page than you thought.

Remember, trust God through all things and lean on him when you feel your heart is searching after a desire. Does this desire bring glory to Him, love to my spouse, and the gospel to my community? It’s not wrong to want something – God gave you the freedom of choice for a reason, let’s just be careful to keep everything in the proper context.